Wednesday, October 11, 2006

All the way around the world...

... just to end up in the same place.

Our return to Minnesota has been a, shall we say, difficult experience.  Having the opportunity to see our friends and remind ourselves what a lovely place the Twin Cities are remind us why we love this place so much.  And why it was such a difficult decision to leave.  Once that decision was made we've been shifting our mental focus and looking forward to starting our lives in Oregon.  Having the two weeks or so to visit the family and live in the NW again reminded us how sure we were of our decision. 

As a result, our trip to the Twin Cities has left us a bit unsettled.  Putting the house on the market, staying with Wade and Chelle, going back through all of our stuff, living out of a slightly larger suitcase and just living in a perpetual state of flux has certainly wreaked havoc on our general mental state.  Knowing that plans could change at an instance has left us wondering what each day might bring.  Plus being back someplace you've lived before always brings all sorts of mental uncertainties:

  • Did we make the right decision to move? We did. 
  • Is it a waste to not be taking advantage of the contacts we have here to find a job in Minneapolis? In some ways yes but we're both still very sure that our decision to move to Oregon and be a bit behind in the job search is the right one for the future.
  • When is our house going to sell?  When someone likes it as much as we do.  Until then we have to find a way to up our showings from their one-a-week average.
  • If it doesn't sell, can we survive another Minnesota winter?  Yes, but we don't necessarily have to like it :-).

So what?  Isn't that what the last 15 months was about?  Don't worry; we haven't forgotten that we got to travel to all of these countries, experience so many diverse cultures, eat deep fried spider, etc.  We wouldn't change a decision we made on the whole trip.  It's just that the reentry has been a bit more difficult than we expected.  To have those two weeks with our families after not seeing them for so long only to again have an extended physical separation is a difficult thing for us mentally.  We love our families and want to spend more time with them.  For now that seems very far away.

The harsh light of everyday life has hit.  Depending on what happens with the house in the next few weeks or so we may be looking at having to find contract work here in the Cities until the house sells and in a worse case scenario putting the house back on the market in the spring and spending one final winter in Minnesota.  Can't say this excites me at all but at some point a paycheck would be a much appreciated salve for our bleeding bank account.  We move back into the house (albeit with a skeleton unpacking job that allows us the basics such as cooking, taking showers, sleeping, etc.) tomorrow and while it some ways it will be very nice to be back into our own home, it also seems like a staggering defeat.  Physically we are ready to be back in our own home; we're just not sure we're ready for the psychological messages it seems to be sending.

Obviously we are in a completely different place as individuals and as a couple than we were 15 months ago.  We'd just like the physical part to match up so that the mental part can finally complete the journey.  Until then though we may have to go out an say a little non-religious ditty to St. Joseph and hope for the best.

Brian

1 comment:

Mama M said...

Your house WILL sell. Of course there's an adjustment period coming back from your amazing trip to the real, boring old world :) Your house will sell soon and you'll move back here, find fabulous jobs and all will be right with the world again. In the meantime, enjoy this time to chill out, snuggle up with some hot cocoa, look over your photos and know that you had one darn amazing year. Everything will work out.